we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
