I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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