I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
