It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
