Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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