You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
