Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
