the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
