My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
