I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
