dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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