Do you still have your period?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
