for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
