do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
