sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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