What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
