i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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