do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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