Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
