Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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