i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
