dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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