from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
