I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
