I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
