it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
