Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
