I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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