Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They are going to name an STD after you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
