I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
