Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
