Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
