I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
