We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
tell me about the fingering
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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