I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
