just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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