Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
