Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
