My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
