And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
