He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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