WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
