just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
