I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
