Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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