Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
