you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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