i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
