Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
