i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
