Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm passing your future prison.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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