yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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