just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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