is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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