69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
